Since i uploaded this story about 14 hours ago, i have successfully submitted it to the wonderfully supportive BooksoftheDeadPress.com website, and you can see it here in it’s final edited form and then go and buy some amazingly good books! The final editing was done by the fantastic author, James Roy Daley, who i am forever in awe of, and indebted to. I’ve also updated this version to its final edited form, as i don’t want my readers to see sub-standard work!
The Teeth Police
By David Eccles
“I’m sorry, but I can’t make my dental appointment because of all the snow. The roads are just too dangerous for me to travel on so I’m calling to cancel,” Steve Richards explained to the receptionist on the other end of the phone. “No, I don’t want to reschedule, because I don’t know what shift pattern I’ll be working.” He adjusted his headset and pulled a face as he looked over to his colleague sitting opposite him. God, this woman’s thick! “Yes, I’ll make another appointment once I know what shift I’m on. Thank you. Goodbye.”
Jodie, his colleague, quizzed him with that look, eyebrows raised. “I can’t believe that she wanted me to ride my bike 10 miles in this weather, just for a check-up, Jodie. She even asked where I was travelling from; wanted to know where I worked. Cheeky cow!”
“Who does she think she is? The bloody teeth police!” giggled Jodie. Steve spat his coffee and burst out laughing.
“I’ll finish this outside,” he managed to say in between fits of coughing. “I’m going for a smoke.”
* * *
Steve drew heavily on his cigarette one more time before stubbing it out on the trashcan that stood at the entrance to his office building, blowing plumes of smoke from his nostrils as he did so. Christ, I needed that. He sensed movement to his rear. As he turned he caught what he thought was a police baton in his peripheral vision just before it connected with his face, the hard polycarbonate splintering his jaw and shattering his teeth. The force of the blow snapped his head back and he fell to the ground, the back of his head meeting the concrete floor with a sickening crunch. Consciousness left him.
* * *
Steve screamed on waking. The overwhelming pain in his jaw made him want to vomit. “It’s a good job my secretary informed me of your intention to cancel your appointment, Mr Richards,” said the voice behind the surgical mask. “We can’t have that, now, can we?” Steve retched. “It’s important to look after your teeth. I had to involve the teeth police. They got to you just in time, I think. You’re in need of more than a filling or two!” As the hypodermic loomed ever closer, Steve fainted.
Fresh Crumbs From An Old Loaf 
HAHAHA! The Teeth Police keep the Cavity Creeps away! OBEY the law! Oh, I love it! I really like your wordsmithing too. Really great stuff.
PS- I’m due for a checkup myself… *ulp!*
Well, I hope to see it on BOTDP.
The origin of the story is a conversation with my brother. He was telling me about calling to cancel a dental appointment because we have heavy snow here and we both ride motorcycles, so making it to the surgery was out of the question. He called from his workplace, and the woman on the other end of the phone was trying everything to talk him into making his appointment. She was being really pushy, quizzing him on where it was he had to make his journey from, what the conditions on the roads were, all kinds of stuff.
When my brother told his work colleague, she came out with the line, “Who the fuck does she think she is? The fucking teeth police?”
And the rest is history.
I hope it gets featured on BOTDP too, Mark! Fingers crossed! 🙂
Brian Lumley. Your writing reminds me of Brian Lumley. Not the plot so much, but the writing.
Really! Now that is high praise, M.C.! I remember all of the Necroscope books sitting on the bookshelves everywhere one went. I must confess, i never got around to reading any of Brian Lumley’s works. Note to self: remedy this deficiency immediately!
Really? Yeah, gotta check them out. A great series. You’ll be sure to be incommunicado for days as you devour them.
I’ll dig some out from local charity shops (thrift stores) in paperback if i can, and look to see if anybody has converted any of them to Kindle
Yes! Submit this sucker, Dave!
Done, Colleen! And…ACCEPTED! 🙂
I am never cancelling an appointment again.. Great style hun.. You have a good voice..xx
Thank you, Ros! I hate dentists! And, i don’t “get” chiropodists, either! Who in their right minds wants to mess with people’s feet for a living? Hahaha! 🙂
Well done Dave. Your story comes just in time for my dental appointment next week. I will be thinking about the Teeth Police the whe time.
Oops! Sorry about that, James! Thank you for your kind words! Now – about that vasectomy story! 😉